Overheard: Male Gaijin presents a soliloquy. His female friend listens patiently.
“She’s planning to move here. I told her you can live with me. I have two bedrooms. You and your son. Because you know, she has an eight-year old son. I told her, I have two bedrooms. But I told her. I said, tell me if you change your mind. Because then I’ll need to get another girlfriend. Put an ad in the newspaper or something.
I had a voicemail when I got home the other day. I never get voicemail. It was the Fudosan. They said I need to stop running my washing machine at night, the neighbors were complaining. They’ve obviously got the wrong person. I never run my washing machine at night. So it can’t be me. Then they called again, telling me to stop the noise. I told them, it’s not me!
But I worked out which neighbor it is. Because I have a good ear for music. If I close my eyes, I can hear where the sound is coming from. And I’m 90% sure it’s coming from below me. You know what I did? I took a piece of paper and on it I wrote ‘FUCK YOU’, in big letters. And I taped it to their door. The next day, I come home from work, and you know what I find? They took my paper, crumpled it and taped it to my door! The Fuckers!
And now the noise is getting worse. It’s loud, in the middle of the night. I have a good ear for music, so I know it’s the people downstairs. So I called the police. I told them, they need to stop. But the police do nothing. Nothing. Now I’m checking Google for how to say Fuck You in Japanese. But there isn’t really a good translation. I think Fuck You is really strong. Japanese doesn’t really have something that strong.
Anyway, everybody knows Fuck You. I’m becoming an asshole in the building. But not really. My friend keeps saying I should stop or they will kick me out of the building. Ha! They should know you don’t fuck with a foreigner. I think my company likes me. I have good relations with management. I think they want me to stay on. But you can never be sure. I have inner doubts, you know?”